Who I am...

I want to stop stealing, using, and lying. I also want to learn how to save money and how to spend it wisely. I am tired of living in this fucking place and I am tired of not having a place to call my own as well as a career to call my own, yet i still cannot stop using. It is a vicious cycle that I am stuck in, like Fat Bastard in Austin Powers said : "I eat cause i am unhappy, and I am unhappy because i eat". That's the way I feel when i use. Sometimes I feel like i am strong enough to stop, and sometimes I don't. It takes away my mind from the painful things that I remember and do not want to. But it also takes me away from the struggles in life that i am going through. I do not feel like i fit in at all, I make fun of others to make myself feel better. That is so fucked up! I steal and lie to the people who mean the most to me and have done the most for me! Yet it is all i know how to do. But i am done doing it.

I NEED TO STOP! I NEED to STOP! I NNNEEEDDD TO STOP!!@!!!!!!!! I NEED to think clearly and logically about the future and where I wanna be in 10 years! I NEED HELP! I NEEEEEEEEEDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HELLPPP! Someone please help me! I can't stop! Everytime I buy i say this is the last time. yet i keep going. i keep doing it. why cant i stop? I have family who supports me and stays out of my business, because i made it that way. I do not ask for help i just take it! Who does that to people they love? To people who were there for me in my greatest time of need? I do. I did. I still am. I cant stop. I need help.