The real me...

You know, I base this blog on telling the truth because I find myself lying a lot in "real life".. Not really on purpose, but I care about the way people view me, including family, so I want this blog to be as truthful as possible. With that said, the theme of this blog is based around what is going on, or happened in the past, in my life. I want it to be a reflection of me, and all the personalities that embody me. I consider myself a happy, outgoing, sad, sometimes depressed, frustrated, exciting, deceitful, athletic, adventure-crazed, and flamboyant human being. I can joke about anything and am freaked out of flying.

So with all this said, my graduation party is this Saturday. Yet i have not officially graduated yet. Go figure. I am 27, I have almost 140 college credits yet i still cannot seem to figure it out. I think subconsciously I am afraid to grow up. I have less than $1,000 in the bank and I have a horrible spending habit. I tell people I am happy, but really I am sad inside. I am craving something more out of life. Through out college I wanted to be a teacher. It's what i have been studying to do for the past 5 years yet, now that i find myself close to the end, I am second guessing myself. I do not feel 27 years old. I constantly wish I was younger, but it is only because I hang out with a younger crowd. So I am torn between these two worlds, growing up and grown up. I never had guidance or people telling me what I should do and how i should do it, and I never ask for help. I think that is my biggest downfall. I should ask for help more often, yet I never think of asking until it is too late. I am constantly looking for ways to forget the hardships of going through life, and I crave to be on my own again. I crave adventure of any sort every single day. I just want people to see me for me. But I am scared of being myself. I want to remain young yet grow up at the same time I am just struggling to find that balance right now. So I started this blog as a new way to self-medicate myself besides pills and greens, so hopefully this will help me put my life into perspective and really help me make sense of what it is I want to get out of this life I am living. I want to start my career so at least i feel like i have a purpose.....